Lately, and when I say lately I mean for the last 6-8 years I have been feeling a bit...looser ish. Why you might ask? If I have permission to be completely and utterly raw with you its because I have been convinced by a dirty crook that I am nothing. When I look back on my life I have had many successful events despite the rather large road blocks that have been thrown my way. That all being said you would never know that I was a beauty queen, or daring enough to jump out of a plane, or smart enough to miss over half of my high school career, and still graduate on time. Where did that person go? Well that crook also lied to me that all of this was impossible for me to be anymore. I will not keep you in suspense. Yes I do know who that crook is...its Satan. All of the things that you would not know about me now were all true. However, I walk with low self confidence in my appearance, have found myself afraid when driving in a jeep with the doors off, and cannot seem to figure out simple ways to get my house clean and not be bitter about it. One of the people that knows me best, because she has been there the longest is my dear friend Hope. Recently she was woken by the holy spirit and felt like she was being told some things to pray about for my husband and me. Today I was talking to her and I was explaining about some of my fear and she was astonished, and said that's not the Laura I met. Of course I am also not the woman my husband married either. Id like to think in some ways I am better. However, he married the one that Hope met. The other day to be honest my words were, " I feel like I am a waste." What in the world would make me feel that way? Yes I have lost a lot pf friends, and yes it doesn't help that some mean people have said mean things, but what about Gods opinion? HELLO??? I find it easy sometimes to forget what he says about me...and then I look at my kids, or I see Mike look at me the way he used to, or an old friend reminds me of the truth. I hate to admit that right now I am leaning on some of the people around me to remind me of what God says about me, and I think its okay to admit that I don't mind someone saying something nice about me. I don't have a lot of people I will listen to. The ones that I do know who they are. I'll be honest that if you don't think your one of them its not because I don't care about you. Its that I have been hurt, and although I may seem like I get along with the world only certain people have seen me without any mask, and have shown they still love me. I cherish those people. SO whats the title of this post about? Well, today I had to take my kids to school with me. Its kinda a big no no in the collegiate world. Whatever I didn't have a choice. I was all kinda of nervous. I already feel like the people in class don't like me cause I stand for a lot of the things they stand against. That and I am old, and they are...well cant even drink legally yet. Today I was able to encourage two people who in all intensive purposes have never talked to me. It happens a lot. The joke is that I have a Bennett forehead(that means its very big) People say there's just enough room for there to be "tell me your problems" written on it. We all have this happen to us..all of the Bennetts that is. In this way I am special, because people feel like they can talk to me, and I am blessed to have a God that tells me what I should say, or not say. SO today when I was feeling looser ish I was reminded that even if I never jump out of another airplane again, never am told I am beautiful again, and never graduate from college there are people out there that may need to hear me say" you are special the way you are" or "hold on cause God will heal you and use you" whats even better about today was I heard my words, and I listened to them. If today and those two people were all I was able to minister to than that's pretty good. However, I don't think He is finished with me yet..
Lately, and when I say lately I mean for the last 6-8 years I have been feeling a bit...looser ish. Why you might ask? If I have permission to be completely and utterly raw with you its because I have been convinced by a dirty crook that I am nothing. When I look back on my life I have had many successful events despite the rather large road blocks that have been thrown my way. That all being said you would never know that I was a beauty queen, or daring enough to jump out of a plane, or smart enough to miss over half of my high school career, and still graduate on time. Where did that person go? Well that crook also lied to me that all of this was impossible for me to be anymore. I will not keep you in suspense. Yes I do know who that crook is...its Satan. All of the things that you would not know about me now were all true. However, I walk with low self confidence in my appearance, have found myself afraid when driving in a jeep with the doors off, and cannot seem to figure out simple ways to get my house clean and not be bitter about it. One of the people that knows me best, because she has been there the longest is my dear friend Hope. Recently she was woken by the holy spirit and felt like she was being told some things to pray about for my husband and me. Today I was talking to her and I was explaining about some of my fear and she was astonished, and said that's not the Laura I met. Of course I am also not the woman my husband married either. Id like to think in some ways I am better. However, he married the one that Hope met. The other day to be honest my words were, " I feel like I am a waste." What in the world would make me feel that way? Yes I have lost a lot pf friends, and yes it doesn't help that some mean people have said mean things, but what about Gods opinion? HELLO??? I find it easy sometimes to forget what he says about me...and then I look at my kids, or I see Mike look at me the way he used to, or an old friend reminds me of the truth. I hate to admit that right now I am leaning on some of the people around me to remind me of what God says about me, and I think its okay to admit that I don't mind someone saying something nice about me. I don't have a lot of people I will listen to. The ones that I do know who they are. I'll be honest that if you don't think your one of them its not because I don't care about you. Its that I have been hurt, and although I may seem like I get along with the world only certain people have seen me without any mask, and have shown they still love me. I cherish those people. SO whats the title of this post about? Well, today I had to take my kids to school with me. Its kinda a big no no in the collegiate world. Whatever I didn't have a choice. I was all kinda of nervous. I already feel like the people in class don't like me cause I stand for a lot of the things they stand against. That and I am old, and they are...well cant even drink legally yet. Today I was able to encourage two people who in all intensive purposes have never talked to me. It happens a lot. The joke is that I have a Bennett forehead(that means its very big) People say there's just enough room for there to be "tell me your problems" written on it. We all have this happen to us..all of the Bennetts that is. In this way I am special, because people feel like they can talk to me, and I am blessed to have a God that tells me what I should say, or not say. SO today when I was feeling looser ish I was reminded that even if I never jump out of another airplane again, never am told I am beautiful again, and never graduate from college there are people out there that may need to hear me say" you are special the way you are" or "hold on cause God will heal you and use you" whats even better about today was I heard my words, and I listened to them. If today and those two people were all I was able to minister to than that's pretty good. However, I don't think He is finished with me yet..
You are an amazing woman, wife, mother and friend. You are not nothing, you are my friend - and not just a friend, but a true friend who speaks truth to me when I really need it. I know God has much more in store for you, but at the very least, you are someone I lean on when I am in need. That is something. But, like I said, you are SO MUCH MORE!
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