Merry Christmas, Look what I can do...and what the heck. woohoo

"what the heck"

I am realizing that as a mother of a almost 5 month old I don't really have the time to talk about whats going on in my life, but I will keep on trying.  I made a decision.  I am  going to start thinking about the idea of cooking through a cookbook.  I like the idea from the movie.  I would prefer to not do anything with screaming lobsters, or deboning animals, although I know I will have to do such things one day.  I am going to start out small.  For Christmas I received a years subscription to Southern Living (AWESOME).  My mom could not find an actual Southern living mag to gift to me, so she got a Paula Dean mag, and wrote it on the cover.  I love Paula.  She loves butter, we should get along okay.  So already I made stuffed zucchini...soooooooooo yummy.  Seriously easy, and even the hubby wanted to make some for the boys at the station.  Next I will be doing some red meats.  I am super excited.  However, tonight I made what I shall now refer to as leftover stew.  What is that you might ask.  Well my friend it is simply what its name says it is.  It is all of my leftovers put into a stew.  EWWWW.  No it is actually really good.  Seriously.  It has celery, corn, chili, jalapeno, cheese brats, cucumbers, and matchstick carrots.  Here's what i was thinking...whats the harm. It was all gonna end up getting thrown out anyway.  Who knows if my spouse unit will be as adventurous as I, but I really enjoy it.
Other than that I have been dealing with issues with my wonderful baby boy.  Which brings me to a question.  What the heck dude?  SO every time I have gone to the Doc with the little man its been something.  When I say something I mean first he needed glasses at the age of 2 months...yeah right.  Then for cosmetic reasons a helmet to shape his head.  Obviously not realizing that I come from a long line of huge heads.  I know you think I have a big forehead for those that know me, but I need to correct you.  Its not a bog forehead. Its actually that my head is so huge that God became overly exhausted when placing and counting my hairs on my head that he just gave up.  My sons head is perfect, leave him alone.  Then yesterday we had to take him and find out that he has an ear infection in both ears, and oh by the way "he might be allergic to your milk, so stop nursing, give him a bottle of this very expensive formula, and pump. RIGHT. Cause I have time for any of that.  BTW hes not allergic, we had his stool tested.  So what the heck dude?? However, last night I prayed he would sleep through the night...and he didnt, but it was better. Woohoo

best friends are possible

This is me at the age that I started wanting a best friend, and I am lucky to say this man is one of them. This is my dad.

When I was a little girl I remember that all I ever wanted...well something I really wanted, was a best friend.  I remember thinking that very thought when I was living in a little trailer park with my family.  It was a friend of our families that was gone, or renting it out or something.  Anyway it had to have been when I was in fourth grade.  By this time I had already had the sad misfortune of a cruel reality.  Its not gonna be that simple.  Its not like saying "mom I want a cookie".  No this was going to be something that could take FOREVER.  At that time forever was a week.  So I had this thought walking in the tailor park on the way to a friends house.  It was actually two friends.  They are twins.  I can't remember their names, but that their birthday is January 17.  They had long blond hair, and in general were not going to be my best friend based on their lack of the lord.  I knew it then, but even as a fourth grader I wanted to minister to them, and still to this day I think about if they ever found truth.  So then my parents got divorced.  Of course being ripped away from anything I knew wrecked any possibility of having any best friend potential at the age of ten.  I admit I was rather charming at that time in my life so starting a new school, although daunting, was not going to stop my quest.  I'm actually thinking the reason I could not make a best friend at this time had more to do with the fact that I was a ten year old with boobs, and I rode a unicycle to school.  Yes, you read right.  Its hanging in my garage right now.  Through the years I have had lots of friends.  Usually who became way to cool for my "bible banging" strange hair doin self.  Lets fast forward now to now.  I realized something.  I have them.  Not just one. My oldest friend is in a way like a sister.  I was blessed enough to get to stay at her house when my mom was going to be late, or not home.  Her family became my family.  We don't talk everyday, but she is the friend I know will be there at the hospital in the middle of the night praying with me.  She is always late...about everything, except for love.  She has one of the most genuine loves I have ever met.  Then I have a friend that I just saw yesterday.  I have known her since I was 18.  She has seen it all, heard it all, and walked through it all with me.  Thats right the good, the bad, the ugly.  Shes the friend that prayed me through some of the most rebellious times of my life.  She was the maid of honor in my wedding.  She is the friend that could ask me if I was being an idiot, and I knew that she would love me even if my answer was yes. She would always tell me she didn't agree, but that she loved me still.  We don't talk everyday, but there has never been a time that I thought too much time has gone by that I couldn't.  Then I have the friend that I do talk to everyday.  I don't know how we became friends really.  First off we are complete opposites.  She takes around 17 hours to get ready, I take 2.  She loves purses, I carry a badge.  She has NEVER seen the princess bride...need I say more?  She gets me.  She has done some things that I dont agree with, and vise versa, but we know that we are always gonna be friends.   I have a few new friends that I can see the possibility of being friends for a long time as well.  Then there is the obvious of my hubby.  He and I have been friends since freshman year in high school, and can rest in knowing we will be friends until I die.  Ive got my dad, who I have been blessed enough to get an awesome relationship with, my mom who I will always call upon, and Then there is the one I have been having more communication with as of late...God.  SO although it has taken 28 years for me to realize it, I have them.  I have my handful of true friends.  It is possible, and I am blessed.  However as a side note...I cant remember anyone's birthday quite as well as the twins of 4th grade.  Whats up with that?  In case you ever asked this question... A best friend is a friend that is simply that.  The best at being your friend.  Im lucky cause I have a lot that are awesome at it.  Thank you if you are listening.

Its just too easy

So I have known this guy for 12 years now.  We just happen to be married.  The other night we did something a bit out of the ordinary.  We stayed up and snuck out to go see the midnight showing of Tron.  BRILLIANT! Have no worries, we did not leave the children alone, but if you actually thought we did that even for a second you should just stop reading my blog.  No seriously.  Anyway, so we went.  We had been excited about this movie since we heard about the possibility of its arrival about 3 or so years ago.  Now, what I have yet to mention is that when I first met my darling husband I was just a kid.  He and I started out as good friends.  One of my love languages is gifts.  So when I was able to get a hold of a case for a Tron video tape for him to put his tape in it should have been an indicator.  However, at this time in out relationship neither of us really saw what was in front of us.  There are a lot of things that he and I enjoy, or appreciate, with somewhat of a passion.  Spider-man, Disney, music, I'll just stop. There's a lot actually.  Going to the movies has become a bit of a chore now a day.  When we were young we never went to the movies together really.  We never really even dated.  So for us to not just go to a movie, but pass on much needed sleep to go to a movie, its a pretty big deal.  He thinks we did it for him, but what he doesn't know is that it was so much to me.  It helped that we got to sit in "dbox" seats.  They are the seats that move with the motion of the movie.  We also saw it in 3D.  So in a way its like we were at Disney world again.  We were both excited, we both put in the effort to make it happen, and we both enjoyed it.  If you really want to know that was one pf my favorite dates.  He doesn't know it was a date...or maybe he does.  For me...well, it reminded me of that kid that had to make some great efforts to find a case for his tape.  It reminded me of the fact that even without the romance and expectations its just so easy.  I guess then again it is pretty easy when you love someone, as long as its with that someone.  It was a blast.  I may never catch up on sleep, but it was soooo worth it. 
 

I am working on it

Most people like to act like they have read the Bible all the way through.  Maybe you have.  I, however, admittedly never have.  I always wanted to mainly because I got so tired of not knowing what in the world my parents were talking about when I was in trouble, or they were tenderly trying to give me a life lesson.  Knowing my parents would never lie about anything like that I took it at face value and went about my day.  I will also admit I do know some of the key verses that may have made me sound super spiritual to a friend that was needing advise.  I guess the rest of my knowledge was just based out of life experience about how awesome God is.  In fact, as a side note, I could talk for a lifetime on how amazing our God is just based off of what He has done in my life alone. Not to mention how He came up with those awesome specks of blue I see in my children's eyes.  However, I would like to focus on the Bible for just this moment.  So I started reading through the Bible in two years in hopes that I will be finished by the time I am.... well lets just say in two years I am going to be hitting somewhat of a milestone. At this juncture I do not wish to address it.  Anyway, the goal was made on my birthday two months ago.  Needless to say the hither, tithers, and thous are still coming on strong in the old testament.  Most people say they don't like the old  testament.  I LOVE THE OLD TESTAMENT.  It is soooo cool. Plagues, miracles, hello creation.  Matter of fact just a couple of services ago our pastor asked if when we pray if we ever ask for God to make it extremely obvious with some huge sign.  You better believe I raised my hand.  Then the pastor said "one person, thank you"  Yup...just me.  I guess I just think why not?  We all walk around talking about our amazing God, but think its too much to ask for a burning bush?  So, yeah I do.  The most amazing part of the Old testament is Leviticus.  Yes, that's what I said.  Although I am horrible at spelling, that is NOT a typo.  I don't think its fun to read.  Its repetitious, and long winded in my opinion, but its still amazing.  I am a sinner.  I am a sinner even when I am not consciously sinning, we all are.  In Leviticus you learn what the process was for bringing an offering or sacrifice for your sins.  OH MY WORD.  Its this long arduous process of about five thousands steps.  The first step is you have to bring an animal, a specific kind depending on the offering and nothing could be wrong with it.  HA.  Good luck there.  If you don't know what I'm talking about you should read a little about it.  Its the third book in the Bible.  Just read a little and you'll get the gist.  Then you find out that even if the person does not know they have sinned, but they have done something that's considered a sin, they must bring an offering. How does that work?  You don't know you have sinned, but God does so your supposed to be able to somehow unknowingly find an animal that has nothing wrong with it and take it as an offering so you can be forgiven for a sin you were unaware you committed.   I have apologized for things I was not sure I was apologizing for in hopes to be forgiven, but can you imagine?  Dont  get me wrong.  I'm not a grace banger or anything, but I will admit its pretty nice when grace is given.  Whats amazing about all of this is that God sent HIS son.  (I'm not sending Camden to step in front of a car for a friend let alone to save all of humanity.)  HIS son.  He sent His son to be that sacrifice that we learn about in Leviticus.  He did this so we could ALL be saved.  All we have to do is accept this as a truth, and ask for forgiveness.  We don't have to go out and find some bull, or sheep, or bird that is perfect.  We don't have to guess if we have sinned and then plan accordingly.  God did all of it.  (like we needed one more excuse to be lazy)  That's why Leviticus is so amazing.  It reminds us of how amazing we have it.  Its like a constant mission trip.  It gives us the why to the how we are forgiven.  Wouldn't it be even more amazing if as humans we could do the same thing in a way.  I know at times I find it extremely hard, and then at times easy.  To some I can show grace and forgive so easily.  I admit that to others...especially the people that matter the most I am not so fast to forgive.  I am kinda like the book of Leviticus.  I expect offerings of perfection, rituals of proof, and even still after that I have a hard time.  This isn't to say I cant forgive without these things.  I think we are all like that.  For some we expect cartwheels and leaps through hoops, but others we can forgive sometimes without a huge fuss.  I have lost many of the people I care about to this.  They cant forgive without me jumping through hoops, or visa verse.  What makes me think that I am better than God?  In that moment I must think that.  That He can forgive, yet I cant?  No....that's wrong.  I have been, and am going to continue to try to work on that.  Forgiveness.  I don't want to be like the book of Leviticus.  God already made the sacrifice through His son.  If someone has already asked for forgiveness I don't want to make them feel unforgivable.  Then isn't that me sinning again?  So then imagine if in response God did the same to me.  I'm working on it.  I'm not God so I'm gonna fail, but I'm working on it.  Leviticus has shown me what I don't want to be. Now without offerings of perfection, without being able to know everything I have done wrong, and without any rights I am openly asking for forgiveness for not doing what the creator does everyday.  I am working on it.

Happy Thanksgiving Back

I am sure we could all give a list of things we are thankful for.  We are all pretty blessed.  If you are reading this it means you have a computer more than likely, or something of like that allows Internet access.  If not you at least have a car or a bike that got you to your friends house or the library.  Well that's a sad thought, for you at least.  You rode your bike all the way to the library through the weather and traffic to read my sad little blog?  How sweet of you...      
Lets start there. A couple of years ago there I was, riding my bike.  We were a one car family.  I will save you the details, but the first few years of our married life were very hard financially.  So when I look at today, and this past year alone its hard not to be thankful.  Besides the fact that right now I am sitting in front of my computer in my comfortable home. I am also listening to Blues Traveler.  You cant help but be in a good mood listening to them.  Anyway, I sit here listening to the sound of my youngest breathing.  I hear the footsteps of my oldest who is supposed to be napping, and I am thankful.  I was told I would never have children at the age of nineteen.  They are my poof of my amazing God.  I cant stop there though. Back to the car situation.  Somehow or another in less than two years we find ourselves the owners of three cars, and a motorcycle.  I'm not telling you to brag, I'm telling you so you can understand something.  God has blessed us beyond what we could have imagined.  There was a point that I found myself selling anything of any value so we could pay bills, so we had food.  None of it adds up.  I stay at home, and My husband makes a good living, but for us to have almost no debt and live in the home we do can only be because of one thing.  God.
I'm thankful every year don't get me wrong.  This past year was horrible.  I honestly didn't think I would make it through, and at times still cant believe it when I look back.  My son was conceived shortly after we lost a baby at 8 weeks.  Shortly after we got pregnant with him I had a large bleed.  At seven months I started going into labor and stayed in an off and on labor for the remainder of the pregnancy.  We had surgery when he was still in utero because I was going into renal failure.  I had 4 kidney stones and was in and out of the hospital.  It was bad.  All that along with the loss of two dogs we were almost a bad country western song. 
I hear him snoring right now, and my first little miracle is singing some made up song thinking that I cant hear her.  Had my husband not gotten into the fire department last year we would not have had the insurance to cover all of the bills, as well as the money to sustain a family of four.
Here's my point; He knows.  Sometimes life can feel impossible, and scary.  Trust me, I get it.  However, God knows.  If we learn to trust Him then when we are in the middle of this stuff we will know its gonna be okay.  So why am I so thankful?  My husband is at his fire station succeeding and loving his job.  He is respected by his peers, and honored by many.  My Daughter is amazing, witty, precocious, and very much an individual.  My Son is alive and healthy.  He has a smile that can turn the gray to sunshine.  If that's not enough I have more than I need.  The most important thing is knowing that I have a God that knows, everything.  He loves me so much that he died for me.  Before I was even conceived He knew the trials, and He knew how He would be glorified.  

So hey if you did ride to the library today and your reading this maybe Gods asking you if you trust Him.  If so you need to be thankful.  God has big plans for you.  For the rest of you I challenge you to ask yourself what you are thankful for and scream it out.  Make sure you are thankful to the one that makes your little world turn.  He is good you know.

AS YOU WISH

Falling down a steep hill sweet Wesley screams out the words that reveal who he really is. "AS YOU WISH" This is a line from my favorite movie The Princess Bride. If you have not seen it you may not understand, and at this moment you should stop what your doing...even stop reading this and go watch it....If your still reading you have either chosen to disregard my direction to experience one of the happiest movies out there. That, or, you have seen the movie and you know exactly what I am talking about. In either case Ill continue here. Three little words. Its how we feel about a lot of things, a lot of people. As you wish was Wesley's way of saying he loved Buttercup. Why is it so hard for people to say it, to say I LOVE YOU. we say we love Chinese food, we say we love our cars, or that movie, or a bunny...but to say we love one another involves walls being dropped, vulnerability being revealed. Then there is one of the things that you find sometimes...the "easy lover". Wait, I'm not saying anything about sexuality, or anything like that. You walk into a room, for me its church. I walk in and I am hugged and looked at in the eye and people say it...
Well its not that I don't love them, or that i can defiantly say they don't actually love me, but I do think to myself about how much this person doesn't know me. Not for lack of trying people! Im open, Im out there, I make that effort. So why is it that although this person is saying they love me I feel like its actually just something they are saying to fill the empty space between the first embrace and the hurried walk to find my seat in the sanctuary? Eh...whatever...
However...the question still stands...what is it that separates that superficial love that we have for food, and  a bunny from the love that Wesley screamed at the top of his lungs as he did cart wheels down a hill? For me, Ive found it...its hard, sometimes it hurts, but its real. As for my friends, and family...if I say it I mean it, and that means I will do the best that I can, to be the best that I can, for that relationship. However,  for my sweet "Wesley" I scream at the top of my lungs "AS YOU WISH".  I thank my father everyday for this man, and the ability to learn how to love more humbly, and genuinely. For the direction he has left for all of us as the guideline to do it to the very best of my ability. I am thankful for the relationships that we have with others that give us the examples we need and I am thankful that God is in control of ALL of it, and not some screen writer, or Hollywood.  Lets face it, their love stories only have to last the length of the movie, but by Gods grace ours can last a lifetime.