I am working on it

Most people like to act like they have read the Bible all the way through.  Maybe you have.  I, however, admittedly never have.  I always wanted to mainly because I got so tired of not knowing what in the world my parents were talking about when I was in trouble, or they were tenderly trying to give me a life lesson.  Knowing my parents would never lie about anything like that I took it at face value and went about my day.  I will also admit I do know some of the key verses that may have made me sound super spiritual to a friend that was needing advise.  I guess the rest of my knowledge was just based out of life experience about how awesome God is.  In fact, as a side note, I could talk for a lifetime on how amazing our God is just based off of what He has done in my life alone. Not to mention how He came up with those awesome specks of blue I see in my children's eyes.  However, I would like to focus on the Bible for just this moment.  So I started reading through the Bible in two years in hopes that I will be finished by the time I am.... well lets just say in two years I am going to be hitting somewhat of a milestone. At this juncture I do not wish to address it.  Anyway, the goal was made on my birthday two months ago.  Needless to say the hither, tithers, and thous are still coming on strong in the old testament.  Most people say they don't like the old  testament.  I LOVE THE OLD TESTAMENT.  It is soooo cool. Plagues, miracles, hello creation.  Matter of fact just a couple of services ago our pastor asked if when we pray if we ever ask for God to make it extremely obvious with some huge sign.  You better believe I raised my hand.  Then the pastor said "one person, thank you"  Yup...just me.  I guess I just think why not?  We all walk around talking about our amazing God, but think its too much to ask for a burning bush?  So, yeah I do.  The most amazing part of the Old testament is Leviticus.  Yes, that's what I said.  Although I am horrible at spelling, that is NOT a typo.  I don't think its fun to read.  Its repetitious, and long winded in my opinion, but its still amazing.  I am a sinner.  I am a sinner even when I am not consciously sinning, we all are.  In Leviticus you learn what the process was for bringing an offering or sacrifice for your sins.  OH MY WORD.  Its this long arduous process of about five thousands steps.  The first step is you have to bring an animal, a specific kind depending on the offering and nothing could be wrong with it.  HA.  Good luck there.  If you don't know what I'm talking about you should read a little about it.  Its the third book in the Bible.  Just read a little and you'll get the gist.  Then you find out that even if the person does not know they have sinned, but they have done something that's considered a sin, they must bring an offering. How does that work?  You don't know you have sinned, but God does so your supposed to be able to somehow unknowingly find an animal that has nothing wrong with it and take it as an offering so you can be forgiven for a sin you were unaware you committed.   I have apologized for things I was not sure I was apologizing for in hopes to be forgiven, but can you imagine?  Dont  get me wrong.  I'm not a grace banger or anything, but I will admit its pretty nice when grace is given.  Whats amazing about all of this is that God sent HIS son.  (I'm not sending Camden to step in front of a car for a friend let alone to save all of humanity.)  HIS son.  He sent His son to be that sacrifice that we learn about in Leviticus.  He did this so we could ALL be saved.  All we have to do is accept this as a truth, and ask for forgiveness.  We don't have to go out and find some bull, or sheep, or bird that is perfect.  We don't have to guess if we have sinned and then plan accordingly.  God did all of it.  (like we needed one more excuse to be lazy)  That's why Leviticus is so amazing.  It reminds us of how amazing we have it.  Its like a constant mission trip.  It gives us the why to the how we are forgiven.  Wouldn't it be even more amazing if as humans we could do the same thing in a way.  I know at times I find it extremely hard, and then at times easy.  To some I can show grace and forgive so easily.  I admit that to others...especially the people that matter the most I am not so fast to forgive.  I am kinda like the book of Leviticus.  I expect offerings of perfection, rituals of proof, and even still after that I have a hard time.  This isn't to say I cant forgive without these things.  I think we are all like that.  For some we expect cartwheels and leaps through hoops, but others we can forgive sometimes without a huge fuss.  I have lost many of the people I care about to this.  They cant forgive without me jumping through hoops, or visa verse.  What makes me think that I am better than God?  In that moment I must think that.  That He can forgive, yet I cant?  No....that's wrong.  I have been, and am going to continue to try to work on that.  Forgiveness.  I don't want to be like the book of Leviticus.  God already made the sacrifice through His son.  If someone has already asked for forgiveness I don't want to make them feel unforgivable.  Then isn't that me sinning again?  So then imagine if in response God did the same to me.  I'm working on it.  I'm not God so I'm gonna fail, but I'm working on it.  Leviticus has shown me what I don't want to be. Now without offerings of perfection, without being able to know everything I have done wrong, and without any rights I am openly asking for forgiveness for not doing what the creator does everyday.  I am working on it.