The Next 40ish days

The past week has been a bit challenging.  Emotionally speaking that is.  However, yesterday I was in the middle of a few things and Tatum came running in with a bag in hand from Life Way.  This is a Christian book store that I went to for the first time around a month ago.  That was the day of new stores.  My dear friend Kendal took me to Charming Charlies, which was a wonderful thing, and then to Life way.  I bought two books at the time.  One is called so long insecurities by Beth Moore, and the other is Five conversations you need to have with your daughter.  I have yet to read either.  Anyway, so Tatum brought this bag in and I knew that it was Kendal who had dropped it off.  She had called to tell me she was almost to my house for this impromptu dropping off time, but I had been on the phone with my friend Hope, as she was talking me down from an emotional moment I was having. I had been crying all day the day before, and honestly I had come to the end of myself.  Realizing that I needed to get some help to pray through some things, and figure out some things.  Anyway, so I can get to the point...I rushed out the door puffy eyed, and somewhat confused as to why Kendal was just dropping and leaving.  If you have known me for any length of time you will know that not many people know when I am in pain.  Mentally and Physically speaking.  Only those to whom I trust do I allow into this part of my life.  Not to say that if you ask will I lie as to how I am.  I try not to wear a mask to disguise who I really am.  However, I have leaned to smile, and keep going despite, so unless I trust you will you know why.  I trust Kendal.  I walked outside and I put my arms through the window of her car and just hugged her. I didn't cry, but I did hold on a bit longer than a normal hello hug.  I still didn't know for sure what was in the bag from the book store, but I did know that my friend that I trust had brought me something that I knew God had strategically placed on her heart.  The truth is I don't really listen to many people.  Not really.  A lot of times that's because I don't really have that many people speaking into my life.  That's because most people think I have it all together, or because I'm usually giving the advise.  God has been using certain people in my life.  He knows what hes doing.  Kendal had brought a bible study by Beth Moore called Breaking Free.  We had discussed doing a study together.  In all honesty I didn't think I had the time. However Yesterday I had gotten to the end of myself, and God used Kendal because He knows that of the few people I will truly listen to she was the one that needed to do this part of what is about to happen in my life with me.  I am usually the one helping people walk through things, or encouraging people to read things.  Usually when someone tells me to read...I say I will, but in all honesty I don't.  I don't know why. Time, stubborn, or the lack of opportunity??  God is using a couple of people.  However I started a Bible study yesterday and already I am realizing why God picked this one for Kendal to give to me on the day she did.  Ill be doing it for around 40 days, and I am actually looking forward to it.  I am so thankful for the people that are being obedient to God about whats going on with me.  I dont know what hes telling them, but I am thankful that He is, and that they are listening. Through God ALL things are possible, and with Him I WILL be made whole, and so can you...