Sky diving

When I was 18 I sent myself on a trip to Hawaii.  I decided that jumping out of a plane over the ocean was the next thing that should happen.  I am terrified of heights. Can I express that this is the best stress reliever ever. Lets face it, once your out of the plane, if your gonna die...there's nothing you can do.  The ground is coming one way or another.  I loved it.  It was amazing.  Yesterday I watched as my hubby and besties hubby jumped out over San Marcus Texas.  I wanted to be up there so bad, and its been decided that the wives are gonna go towards the end of the year. I think they had a great time.  The kids were all really happy to see their bright orange and bright green jump suits.  I was just thankful that I got to share it with them.  I recommend you go.  Seriously, its amazing.  We are all gonna die at some point.  Id rather it be something cool like that...right?  I mean...right? The hubbies will probably find everything else to be boring for a while...including...a hem...some things... however they did something that not everyone can say they have done.  For a moment they were free like a bird.  In my husbands case a bird strapped to a man that may or may not have been hitting on him whilst doing summer salts in the air.  They had a blast, and I never mind being around people that love me, so it was all around great.

its a loss

do you ever find yourself staring at the computer looking at pictures of friends that you consider to be of the best?  Today I sat looking at my phone thinking something of the same, but wondering...why dont people call anymore?  What has happened that technology has taken such a toll that we dont pick up the phone to at least hear the voice on the other end that might possibly be saying please love me. I know I can very easily say things are fine, but if they could hear my voice and they know me at all they would know the hurt.  I love that with Mac we have face time, and hey tell...even hey tell you can hear a voice.  You are not some electronic grouping of words that mean very little.  DOnt get me wrong.  The occasional hey there, howdy doody is fine...but as a stay at home mom I yern for adult voices, welcoming, non threatening, loving voices of those around me.  I know its different than others that are around people all day.  However for those of us that stay at home and all we hear is screaming, crying, and the occasional please and thank you we need it.  To those out there that are being caught into the whorwind of the technological world I bid you adue, Ill miss you, because Im gonna hold on to voice, eye to eye, and cards in the mail as long as I can. 

why

Today Kendall texted me.  She is one of the best friends I have ever had.  She is heart broken.  She found out some really hard news today.  Its the kind of news that makes you fall to your knees and beg God to tell you why.  When I got off the phone with her I cried.  Mainly cause I could tell her heart is breaking, and there is nothing I can do to help.  I hate that feeling.  I want to believe that God can and will turn the situation around, but I found myself begging God on her behalf.  This is one of the things I may want to ask God when we get there....Although I know at that point it wont really matter.

up to date

Where to begin.  The last couple of months have been like most of my life ever changing and always in motion.  We went in April and visited with one of my dearest friends Hope, and her family.  We also visited Disney world...enough said...fun was had by all.
I have had yet another surgery, that I obviously made it through...I wouldn't be typing other wise.  We planted Vegis in my garden that Mike made me, and within the next couple of weeks I will be harvesting cucumbers, corn, and tomatoes...soon followed by carrots, and lettuces. 
We just celebrated our 7 year anniversary, and Mike will be turning 31 tomorrow.  This of course is just the surface stuff that anyone would like to know if they know me.  Ill get a bit.. a lot deeper.
This is a declaration of intent.  recently I had a hard look into reality that I am in some massive amounts of captivity.  Its not something that just happened.  Its taken almost 29 years to get here, but my merciful God will not make it take that much time to get out.  Pride being one of my issues I can say that usually NO ONE tells me what to do.  Its partly defense, pride, ego, survivor mode...I dont know, but usually I don't listen.  Well one day one of my other dearest friends Kendall told me that I was going to start doing a bible study with her.  With no hesitation I began.  I have even recommended it to my pastor.  Breaking Free by Beth Moore.  Ill tell you what the woman may look all sweet and demure, but you need to listen when she speaks.  Then I started going to this awesome counselor who recommended that I read a book called Bondage breaker (hello...I get the point)  so needless to say I have been a bit busy.  If your reading this and you are a bit confused I would like to direct you to some verses 
 Ephesians 6:12-18
12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. 13 This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. 14 Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, 15 and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. 16 In every situation take the shield of faith, and with it you will be able to extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is God's word. 18 With every prayer and request, pray at all times in the Spirit, and stay alert in this, with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints. Ephesians 6:12-18
If you dont believe we have a spiritual battle, then I suggest you ook into the books I mentions. For real.  Yall this is hard.  Its ugly and snotty, but its good, free, and true.  
Anyway...
aside from that stuff, getting Tatum ready to start school in less that 2 months, and Camden ready to walk anyday I have also managed to take up motercycle riding, and scuba diving....kinda crazy right?

The Next 40ish days

The past week has been a bit challenging.  Emotionally speaking that is.  However, yesterday I was in the middle of a few things and Tatum came running in with a bag in hand from Life Way.  This is a Christian book store that I went to for the first time around a month ago.  That was the day of new stores.  My dear friend Kendal took me to Charming Charlies, which was a wonderful thing, and then to Life way.  I bought two books at the time.  One is called so long insecurities by Beth Moore, and the other is Five conversations you need to have with your daughter.  I have yet to read either.  Anyway, so Tatum brought this bag in and I knew that it was Kendal who had dropped it off.  She had called to tell me she was almost to my house for this impromptu dropping off time, but I had been on the phone with my friend Hope, as she was talking me down from an emotional moment I was having. I had been crying all day the day before, and honestly I had come to the end of myself.  Realizing that I needed to get some help to pray through some things, and figure out some things.  Anyway, so I can get to the point...I rushed out the door puffy eyed, and somewhat confused as to why Kendal was just dropping and leaving.  If you have known me for any length of time you will know that not many people know when I am in pain.  Mentally and Physically speaking.  Only those to whom I trust do I allow into this part of my life.  Not to say that if you ask will I lie as to how I am.  I try not to wear a mask to disguise who I really am.  However, I have leaned to smile, and keep going despite, so unless I trust you will you know why.  I trust Kendal.  I walked outside and I put my arms through the window of her car and just hugged her. I didn't cry, but I did hold on a bit longer than a normal hello hug.  I still didn't know for sure what was in the bag from the book store, but I did know that my friend that I trust had brought me something that I knew God had strategically placed on her heart.  The truth is I don't really listen to many people.  Not really.  A lot of times that's because I don't really have that many people speaking into my life.  That's because most people think I have it all together, or because I'm usually giving the advise.  God has been using certain people in my life.  He knows what hes doing.  Kendal had brought a bible study by Beth Moore called Breaking Free.  We had discussed doing a study together.  In all honesty I didn't think I had the time. However Yesterday I had gotten to the end of myself, and God used Kendal because He knows that of the few people I will truly listen to she was the one that needed to do this part of what is about to happen in my life with me.  I am usually the one helping people walk through things, or encouraging people to read things.  Usually when someone tells me to read...I say I will, but in all honesty I don't.  I don't know why. Time, stubborn, or the lack of opportunity??  God is using a couple of people.  However I started a Bible study yesterday and already I am realizing why God picked this one for Kendal to give to me on the day she did.  Ill be doing it for around 40 days, and I am actually looking forward to it.  I am so thankful for the people that are being obedient to God about whats going on with me.  I dont know what hes telling them, but I am thankful that He is, and that they are listening. Through God ALL things are possible, and with Him I WILL be made whole, and so can you...