EWWW

Have you ever heard of skin tags? EWWWW GROSS! How about armpit hair? I mean really?  Why Lord?  Whats the point of it?  Its so icky! Matter of a fact lets discuss that for a moment. Why do I have more hair on my face than my two beautiful brothers have on their entire bodies?  Did the hair get left behind in the birth canal, and since I was a c sec baby it was not forced off??  Its just not right.  I'm just sayin.

This was the last time we were all together at the same time.  Its almost 7 years ago.  I tried to find a picture to demonstrate how handsome they are, and to show the face hair on me, but it was my wedding day so I was freshly shaven...

Back to the matter at hand. SKIN TAGS EWW.

So my handsome husband comes to me and says he has a skin tag. Now before you think I am horrible I got his permission to discuss this.  He comes to me and tells me, and I find out its in his arm pit.  This apparently is a somewhat normal place to get them.  I know someone else that had some and she got rid of them, and told me all about it.  Obviously I wasn't gonna leave my baber hanging, so I told him about it.  Later on I see him trying to one handedly start the removal process.  It goes like this:  tie a piece of thread or floss around the base of the skin tag (puke) one that is accomplished take some manicure scissors and just snip it right off.  Well it sounds easy enough.  This is of course unless your skin tag is in your hairy armpit, and you can only use one hand.  I see him doing this, and I wont lie to you.  I let him try...just a couple of times.  I then offered my assistance.  There we were.  My husband sprawled across the bathroom counter(not in an ooh la la way) arm over head and me leaning over trying to get this thread around the base of this skin tag.  They are creepy people.  They look like balls of skin that could fall off at any second...but they don't. Its a bodies way of giving small and subtle false advertisement.  The thread was goodish brown.  His pit hair is dark brown maybe black.  As I hear birds cooing in the jungle of hair I realize I cant see the base well enough so I am gonna have to trim some of this stuff.  ( I am exaggerating for dramatic effect. Go with it.)  SO I finally get the thread around it but its too high up still.  Mike sits up and says to just leave it there.  Its taken to long and he has freeked himself out.  At this point for me there was no turning back.  So I convinced him I would be able to get it now because of..( lets face it. I made something up, cause it was just oogy enough to make me need to get it done. Whatever it was worked cause I went in for the round up of the century)  SO now I have the thread on around the base, and its starting to turn white.  I get the scissors and I look down and he says"ice, get some ice."  Now hes freaking me out, cause the pure fear of what he was about to let his wife do has just come across his face.  So I go get some ice.  All the way up the stairs my heart was pounding.  I kid you not.  I was going in for the kill, and I was so frightened.  It was my suggestion, my idea, and he is scared now, and I am scared, but the thing is white, and Ive gotten the ice and there is no turning back!!!  I let the ice sit to numb.  I grab the tag between my finger tips, and as if I was outside myself I did it.  SNIP.

Laura: "Oh crap. Are you okay?"

Mike: " yeah I think so"

Laura: I say nothing here because my knees have buckled beneath me, and I am sitting on the floor raising my hand to the sky and I can feel the little ball of skin between my finger and nail.  I am about to pass out.  I have just proven why I could never be in the medical field. However, I will say I did make sure the patient was okay first before I collapsed.  I was light headed, and I couldn't decide if I was going to puke or not.  I just started saying "get it off, get it off".

The good news here is my brave husband who is bleeding from his pit area has now taken it from me and is playing with it, and I am still faint...but at least he is laughing.  Not at me...Id like to think with me.  I will tell you now, I thought I killed him.  In that split second I thought poor Tatum was going to walk in and find her daddy bleeding out through the tiny whole in his armpit, and her mommy bleeding from the head, because if I was going to faint I would have ended up hitting my head on the toilet, and there we would have been.  No one would have known.  They probably would have though murder suicide by way of manicure scissors.  Case closed.  I almost died that day.  I am happy to say that the blood stopped gushing from his pitted area, and I didn't pass out.  I did feel really bad for quite a bit, and very oogy all night long.  I mean come on!  Pit hair and skin tags?  Double whammy!
I will say though his deodorant smelled nice, and he really made me laugh.  See how powerful love is?  Even in the face of death it shines through.